माया

बन्जर मनमा तिम्रो मुस्कानको मुहान फुटेर आयो

सुन्सान मोडमा तिम्रो ध्वनिले नेपथ्य गुन्जाएर आयो

थाकेका पाखुरामा तिम्रो साथ जीवन बनेर आयो

हारेका सपनामा तिम्रो विपना जित बनेर आयो 

अँध्यारो मनमा तिम्रो दन्तलहर प्रकाश बनी आयो

कठ्याङृएको हृदयमा तिम्रो मुस्कान राप बनी आयो

कहाँ थियौ माया

मुटुको कुनाकाप्चामा तिमिलाइ  खोजे

मन्दिरका मुर्तिहरुमा तिमिलाइ खोजे 

संगीतको धुनमा तिमिलाइ खोजे

प्राथनाका आस्थाहरुमा तिमिलाइ खोजे

किताबका नसाहरुमा तिमिलाइ खोजे

अब ती आखाले बस मलाइ देखुन 

ती ओठले केवल मलाइ चुमुन

तिम्रो कानहरुमा मेरा गीत गुन्जिउन 

तिम्रा हरेक अंगहरु मेरो स्पर्शले भिजुन

यी हातले तिम्रा हरेक घुम्तीहरु स्पर्श गर्नुछ

मायाले मुटु नभरिन्जेल तिम्रा ओठहरु चुम्नुछ

आखाहरु नभिझुन्जेल सपनाहरूमा रमाउनुछ 

मेरा यादले नपोलिन्जेल तिम्लाइ अंगालोमा बेर्नुछ!

भेटेपछि नछुट्टे हुन्न र?

माया 

फेरि तिम्रो मुस्कानले स्वागत गरन

तिम्रा न्यानो हातले स्पर्श गरन 

फेरि मेरो कपबाट चियाको चुस्की लिउ

फेरि मलाइ तिम्रो हातले भात खुवाउ 

तिम्रा हासोका खित्काहरुले सताउनेछ्न 

तिम्रा आँसु का ढिक्काले थिच्नेछ्न 

तिम्रा न्यानो अंगालोले बोलाउनेछ्न

तिम्रा यादहरुले ती दिनहरु सम्झाउनेछ्न

यो हातले तिम्रो हात खोज्नेछु

सिरानीमा तिम्रो सास खोज्नेछु 

रुदा तिम्रो काध खोज्नेछु

हरेक खानामा तिम्रो स्वाद खोज्नेछु

अपार यादहरुको सहारा दिएकीछौ

मायाको भकारी यो जुनिलाई भरिदिएकी छौ

जीवन दिएकी छौ, खुसी दिएकी छौ

साथ नभएपनि 

जिन्दगी जिउने ज्ञान दिएकि छौ

माया 

सधै साथ हुनपाए कस्तो हुँदा हो जीवन 

देखेका सपना बाच्न पाए कस्तो हुँदा हो जीवन 

अन्तिम सास सङै लिन पाए कस्तो हुँदा हो जीवन 

भेटेर बिछोडिन नपरे कस्तो हुँदा हो जीवन !! 

The Narcissism Epidemic

I am starting to see through myself. I am starting to notice subtle patterns developing gradually over the years in our lives. I might look like a 'social media hater', but I have become more of a social media researcher. All addicts fail to see the frail nature of their self-control. They fail to see the pointlessness of their behaviors. They are so engrossed in the dopamine hits that they are completely out of touch with ground reality. This is the reason why I take breaks from social media because when I am on it, I fail to see that I have become a narcissistic asshole, just like everyone around me. Only when I am off it, I see the critical nature of the problem. Narcissism is spreading more rapidly than COVID did, and we are heading towards an inevitable social accident. 

It would be very intolerant of me to lament all social media users as narcissists. Everyone on social media is not a narcissist. However, I have to concede that most people are showing tendencies of clinical narcissism on social media and, it is a worrying prospect, to say the least. 

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), or narcissism, is a personality disorder characterized by a sense of grandiosity, the need for attention and admiration, superficial interpersonal relationships, and a lack of empathy. It often accompanies other psychiatric disorders and can be difficult to treat. 

Let us dissect some narcissistic traits on display on social media these days. 

1. Grandiosity

• An Exaggerated sense of self-importance
• Feeling superior to others and that one deserves special treatment 
• Feelings are often accompanied by fantasies of unlimited success, brilliance, power, beauty, or love

We are kings on social media. Our social media accounts are accounts of our glories. Just like historians carved ballads of the greatness of the emperors and soldiers, we blow our own trumpets incessantly on social media. Just visit the profile of some of these people and read their bios. "Papa's angel, attitude king, welcome to my kingdom, beauty queen, learner, adventurer, hello stalker" and yada yada yada. What do they think of themselves? Why should every photo we post, be attached with a quote that reflects our superiority and attitude? Singles think that their life is the best and the people in relationships think that all singles are losers. There is no harmony and zero sense of ground reality. My social media account is an exaggerated, carefully constructed ideal version of myself. I am not as great as I look on social media. But the constant feedback of validation that I gain from social media makes me think that I am the king of the world. Even if I post the shittiest photo of mine, there will be someone who will comment "Great Photo". We think that we are superior to others because we have more followers, likes, and comments. A person with 1000 followers starts behaving like a celebrity. They post "Ask me anything" to quench their thirst for being interviewed like a celebrity. Everybody feels like a fucking celebrity on social media, at least on their birthdays. Imagine that you are a girl, and you are getting 100 comments about how great you look, and 100s of messages from desperate creeps trying to hit on you; you will unconsciously start believing that you are the most beautiful girl on the planet, even if are a giant loser in real life. Social media works in a way that makes you feel validated. That’s why you keep coming back for more. But the culture of seeking validation and gaining empty validation and praise for doing absolutely nothing has sky-rocketed our delusions of grandeur. Even if you are a cat, you feel like a lion on social media because the people, the culture, and the algorithms reinforce your delusion every single day. 

1. Excessive need for admiration

Why do we post so many photos on social media? Why do we have to share most of our thoughts on social media? Why should every achievement and every event in your life be registered on social media? It is because we have turned into zombies who feed on admiration and outside validation. Why would anyone post what they ate for breakfast if they are not expecting people to admire the richness of their breakfast? Why would anyone post about their achievements, travels, and riches if they are not seeking admiration and validation? All in all, everything we do on social media, from passing social commentary on current issues to posting our cat photos, is a desperate plead for admiration. 

1. Lack of empathy

I can tell from experience. People say things on the internet that they would not dare say in person. Social media lacks many things, but it lacks empathy the most. We relentlessly judge people based on their appearance on social media. We fight on the stupidest of shit. We are not afraid to call names and pass comments about each other's mothers and sisters. We troll people. We murder someone's image for seconds of laughter. We do not care about the actuality of the situation that the other person might be in. We even make fun of failures, catastrophes, and misfortunes. We troll sportsmen ridiculously when they have a bad game. It means nothing to us but it might seriously affect the mental wellbeing of the person involved. Social media is turning us into sociopaths who can't register the pain, suffering, or grief of someone else. 

1. Superficial relationships

I have talked with 100s of people on social media. I became friends with many of them. If the vibes matched, we shared a secret or two as well. I can tell you with 100% confidence that none of the connections that I made on social media lasted or had any meaningful impact on my life. It was just empty chatting with a random stranger on the internet. I spent time and energy on connections that meant nothing. These people wouldn’t even care if I die today. Noone reached out to me when I disappeared from social media. It makes me think. What was the point of trying to know someone through social media? I don't give a fuck about any of my facebook friends, past or present, and neither do they. These online connections are superficial and temporary. 

Apart from these, social media also makes us disregard the real important aspects of our lives in exchange for the cheap thrills. Our real identity gets polluted with our image on social media. We become someone else trying to fit in. We become consumed by the need to look better on social media. Narcissism is an epidemic that social media has accentuated. 

To escape this inferno, all we gotta do is realize that social media is a fake world where everyone is trying their best to show off their best life. It is important to realize the distinction between valuable and popular. I can become popular overnight by licking a dog's ass right now, but what value would that carry for society and humanity? People whose validation you seek so desperately to foster your ego would not even notice if you were gone and will replace you with another narcissist in a heartbeat. 

Only a narcissist would: 

-post photos of his breakfast

-post videos of his cute pet every day

-have an opinion about everything

-post every achievement, no matter how minute

-post every moment of his travels

-post every thought that crossed his head

-be mean to strangers on the internet

-seek admiration and validation for simply existing

-build superficial relationships through social media

-be a self-serving, politically correct, perfect asshole! 

Thank god, I am no longer one of you! 

Preparation

Only unprepared minds are afraid of the future. If you are prepared to die gloriously, even death cannot scare you ! 

Run Away

 If you see words like "Motivation" , "Productivity", "Passion", "Self improvement", "Happiness", "Success" , "Self-help" etc in any video, title, or book, run away from them. They are trying to sell you something. All these concepts were created by some clever chaps who knew how to exploit human psychology to keep you coming back for more. We need to discover the meaning of these words ourselves through introspection and a sickening amount of thinking and self-analysis. The answers lie within. Their meaning is a personal construct. These concepts cannot be learnt. They can only be discovered. 

आखिर के चाहन्छौ तिमी?

 आखिर के चाहन्छौ तिमी? 

आरोहको थकान या 

अवरोहको पिडा 

बसन्तका हरियाली या

बन्जर निर्जीव जमिन 

तिमी खुशीमा रम्न सकेनौ

तिमी दु:खमा खुम्चिन सकेनौ 

बर्षाको स्खलनले झन सुख्खा भयौ  

तालीको गडगडाहटमा झन सुन्ने भयौ 

तिमी ताल बनन, स्थिर हौ

या खोला बन, बेकाबु भै बग 

तिमी देउता बनन, मुर्ती हौ 

या वेस्या बन, नग्न हौ 

हावाको बेगसङै किन बतिन्छौ?

समयको प्रहार किन सहन्छौ? 

सपनाका माला किन गांस्छौ? 

विपनाका व्यंग्य किन पचाउंछौ?

 चाउरी परे तिम्रा स्वछन्द हासो 

 मुर्झाए रहरका कोपिलाहरु

 ऐनामा हेर्दै किन कहालिन्छौ ?

 आजलाई हिजोको विष किन पिलाउछौ? 

तिमी आफ्नो मुर्ति चाहन्छौ कि समाधी ?

इतिहास चाहन्छौ कि उपहास ?

ध्यान चाहन्छौ कि बिज्ञान ?

रस चाहन्छौ कि सकस ?

हे मन, आखिर तिमी के चाहन्छौ? 

समयले तिम्रा घाउहरु...

 

एउटा सुन्दर गुलाफ 

जो काँडाको बिचमा गलल हाँसिरन्थी 

हिलोमा नुहाएर दुखलाई गिजाउथी 

आफ्ना अस्थिर चालले गगन थर्काउथी 

नग्न थिइ 

छ्ल र कपटका दाग कहिँ भेटिन

दङ्ग थिइ

कालो बादल मडारिएको चालै पाइन 

मायामा अतृप्त थिइ

उसलाई भन्नू धेरै थियो

त्यसैले निस्पट्ट अनि निसब्द थिइ

एकान्तमा अतालिएर आंसु बगाउथी 

अनि डराएर सामिप्यताको तलास गर्थी  

तिम्रा चोट विशाल 

तिम्रा पिडा अनगिन्ती

तिमीलाई भाग्यले पनि छल गरेछ

 दुखको बारीमा आसुले मलजल गरेछ

तिम्रा भिजेका नयनका मुल सुक्दै जाउन 

तिम्रा खुम्चिएका मुस्कान फराकिदै जाउन 

टुटेका सपना सुन्दर विपनाले जोडिदै जाउन 

फाटेका सम्बन्ध बिश्वासका डोरिले कसिदै जाउन

 

नअतालिनु , नडराउनु

तिम्रा खुशी लुट्ने समय फर्की आउनेछ 

नयाँ मानिस, नयाँ खुशी लिएर आउनेछ

यादका पोकालाई अब चितामा जलाइदेउ

सम्झनाका डोका भर्न कोहि अरु आउनेछ 

तिम्रा नामका दियो बल्नेछन 

तिम्रो खुसीका दिपावली हुनेछ्न 

तिम्रा घाउहरु पाक्नेछ्न तर पुरिनेछ्न 

केवल केही पलालाई पीडा सहिदेउ 

तिमिलाइ फेरि आफ्नो बगैंचामा हुर्काउन 

स्वर्गबाटै दैव आउनेछ्न !

Fuck Social Media II

 Social media vs a bicycle

The worshippers of social media can't hear anything against the platforms. They are so dissolved in the dopamine hits that they can't see beyond their screens. "Why don’t you use social media in moderation? Can't you see all the good that social media is bringing to the world? Don't be a fucking hater and complainer." I wouldn’t have hated social media as much I hate it now if it was a tool that we could consciously choose to use. It is a tool that uses us. As made clear in the NETFLIX documentary "The Social Dilemma", a bicycle never lures you into using it, it doesn’t send you notifications asking to ride it, it doesn’t manipulate your behavior to keep you riding all day. I used to think that there was something wrong with me because I was so addicted to social media. Now I know that I am completely fine, social media is designed to be addictive. It is designed to keep you hooked. So, don’t give me the nonsense that social media is just a tool like a bicycle. It doesn't depend on us how we use it. Don’t be ignorant. Don’t justify your love affair with social media with bullshit. 

The Celebrity Illusion

You are not a fucking celebrity. Why are you trying to pose like one? Why are you posting every thought that runs through your head as if the world would be deprived of your genius if you didn’t share your ideas? Look at the caption of the photos that people post on social media. The delusion of grandeur is real. They search for a perfect quote on google that matches the theme of the photo and also signals in some way of their attitude and superiority. Go do something with your life and achieve something asshole. Attitude captions on your photos mean nothing if you haven’t achieved anything in life. The true achievers in life never do such shit. The wannabes and the losers think that they can prove their worth by posting stupid shit on social media.  

You are the product

If you are not paying for something, you are the product. Simple! Ask yourself why all social media platforms are free? Why do they desperately want you to join their platforms? They are selling you. They are selling your data. They are selling your attention. They are selling your time. You are a data-whore for the tech companies. Just like a whore in 18th century London allowed a new penis to penetrate her every other hour, we are allowing tech companies to penetrate our privacy and steal our data. We are whores for them. They constantly juggle our data (analogous to the whore's genitals) among each other. The only difference between us and the ancient whores is that at least they knew that they were getting fucked. 

 Live for yourself

If you are taking photos all the time and posting them on social media, are you living for yourself? Are you living in the moment? You are living for someone else's attention and validation. Nobody gives a fuck about you and your vacation. Learn to enjoy without posting a photo of your fun time on social media. Live for yourself. 

Fake Activism

Everyone is an activist on social media. They have opinions about how the country should run, how we should fight climate change, and how people must behave with each other. They will raise their concerns against rapes, crimes, corruption, terrorism, racism, and pollution every day. No one is morally perfect. We all do stupid shit and we all have some weird beliefs. So, why is everyone trying to prove that they are the nicest human being on the planet on social media? Noone does shit in practice to make the world a better place but we all pretend to be rebels and activists like Nelson Mandela and Mahatma Gandhi on social media. 

Fuck social media !

Hey, buddy! Just wanted to tell you that I don’t care about you. I don’t care if you win a lottery or go to Paris on a vacation. I don’t want to know how you celebrated your weekend or what you ate for breakfast. I don’t need to know that you went to a movie with your friends last night. I don’t need to know that it's your mother's birthday today. I don’t need to read your thoughts on the current political situation of the country. I don’t need any of your updates. I don’t need you. We can hardly call ourselves friends. You never called me to wish me on my birthday. I have never been to your home. I don’t know your family. I don’t know you. I know your name. I have seen you in person. I have talked with you a few times. We might have shared few common friends. Hell, we might have had fun together once or twice. But buddy I don’t really need anything more than that from you. You are not that important to my life and I know you won't notice even if I was gone. 

The sad reality of social media is that it is the most anti-social thing that exists in modern society. It is frightening that the entire world, everyone I know is engrossed in it. I have known that I am an addict for a long time now. Lately, I have started noticing that everyone around me is no different. Even my parents who started using the internet just a couple of years ago are hooked on their devices. It makes me anxious. It worries me to my core. I wish I could change this.

I gave up social media in 2018. I deleted both Facebook and Instagram. I was off the grid for 9 months. For 9 long months, I didn’t wake up to the hellos of social media. I didn’t post anything. I didn’t share any part of my life with the world and I didn’t have to watch anyone share their life away as well. It was the calmest and most joyous period of my life. I want you to know how I felt during that period. I didn’t miss social media at all. I was doing my thing. (I need to admit that I was hooked on YouTube after I quit social media, but I think it is the better of the two evils. You can get bored on YouTube, but you can scroll through social media for eternity.)  My grades improved. I started working on being better. I came out of depression. Yes, I was depressed, and quitting social media was one of the biggest steps which helped me get out of it. My relationships with my friends improved. I got into a deep and satisfying romantic relationship which brought so many positive changes in my life. I am thankful that I chose to quit social media. I am glad that it allowed me to change my life for the better.

A 9-month hiatus did me a world of good, but I was eventually dragged back. It is hard to choose a lifestyle when everyone around you is living differently. I didn’t get back because I missed it. I came back because everyone else was on it except me. I had built strong self-control during the time I was away. So, I thought I could handle the temptations and not fall down the rabbit hole. It didn’t happen immediately. But 1 year down the line after rejoining social media, I was doing the same stupid shit that I was doing before I quit. But there was a difference, it was worse the second time. 

As I have mentioned in my book as well, I am not proud of my social media activity. I am a compulsive user. Even when I study for 10 hours a day, I am on social media for 4-5 hours. When I am not studying, I am on it for the entire day. I have taken every online test out there to determine my level of attachment with social media and I have gotten the same result every time. I am an addict. 

Let me correct that for you - I was an addict. I quit it in 2018 because I started noticing signs of addiction. But when I came back in 2019, my addiction reached unprecedented heights. I now know what an alcoholic or a cocaine addict must feel like. The chemistry in the brain is the same for all addictions. Like all addictions, this addiction took a toll on my life too. 

I had to delete my accounts during exam time because I just couldn’t focus if I had an active account. The pull was just too massive for my weakening self-control. I did well in my exams. I studied with dedication and was happy with my results. After every exam, I had to create a new social media account because the old one was already gone. My friends, relatives, and people I know started getting irritated with me. They would get my friend requests every once in a while. It appeared from the outside that I had multiple Facebook accounts, but the truth is I had already deleted my old account because I needed to focus on something. The sad part was that I couldn’t stay away from it for long. I had to go back and I desperately wanted to be back every time my exams were over. An alcoholic can stay away from alcohol only for some time, then he needs the dose and he will do anything to get what he craves.

The pandemic broke me. It broke my lifestyle. It broke my habits. It broke my flow. It changed me and my addiction got worse every day. The pandemic took my addiction to such an extreme that my depression resurfaced. I lost my peace and I felt like I have undone all the progress that I had made. The start of the pandemic was not that bad. I wrote a book within a month and published it, yes a fucking book. This was a huge achievement, but it also became a curse. I had one more reason to keep using social media. 

I was on social media all the time after my book got published. I was promoting my book on it, posting stuff related to my book. I couldn’t argue with me on this because I was promoting my book, but it turns out it was an excuse to keep getting the dopamine hits from social media. For a first-time young author, I consider my book to be successful. I am yet to receive a negative review from my readers. I know it is not the best book ever written. Hell, I could have done so much better with it, but I am satisfied with the outcome. I became mildly famous on social media with various news outlets covering my book and I gave a few interviews as well. 

 The thing that struck me like a thunderbolt was that most of my Facebook friends didn’t actually buy my book. 90% of my readers are people I don’t know. Only a few people I know bought my book and supported me. Only 10-20 of my thousand Facebook friends (which consisted of my friends from school, college, university, and my relatives) bought my book to support me. That is around 2%. This was a huge realization for me. I am not upset with anyone for not buying my book. It is a personal choice and many people are just not into reading. There was something deeper in this. Very few people actually congratulated me on my book. Very few people actually cared. I got plenty of likes and followers but most of them were just there. They just didn’t care about me and it turns out I didn’t care about them either. The illusion of social media undressed in front of my very eyes. 

Out of the 100s of people you call friends on Facebook, you only have around 3-4 whom you can call your real friends. Out of the 100s of relatives with whom you are connected on social media, only a few care about you and want to see your progress. Our life actually revolves around a very few people (20-25 max which comprises of your closest friends and family). What is the use of having hundreds of lifeless statues on your friend list? When we are consumed by the 100s of unnecessary people on social media, we fail to prioritize the few people who actually matter. I don’t need to see what some school friend of mine was doing on his weekend. I don’t need to see their life. I am not sure if I will ever meet him/her again. What is the use of feeding your brain with updates of 100s of people who don’t matter?

I also started seeking validation from the outside like never before. I knew that my book was good,  I knew that I was smart but I wanted someone else to validate my thoughts. I started measuring the success of my book with my likes and followers. It hurt me when a random chick revealing 60% of her boobs on TikTok had more followers than me. It hurt me when some flop actress had more Instagram followers than a beloved author like Buddhisagar. I started getting frustrated. Fuck you, everyone. It was a mistake to expect admiration from hypnotized people. My readers have sent me the sweetest reviews and appreciation for my work. I was wrong to expect the same from my so-called friends on Facebook. 

The conclusion is plain and simple. I don’t need more than 10-20 people in my life to be happy. My entire life revolves around them and everyone else can go fuck themselves. I don’t need to see your photos. I don’t need your constant updates. I don’t need to see who you married or where you went on a vacation. And I was a bigger stupid than all of you to keep my life on display for all of you to watch and judge. I am not blaming everyone else. I am the bigger culprit here. I chose to share my life with strangers. I chose to share my moments with strangers. I tried to befriend strangers. I tried to seek validation for my success from strangers. 

I know people come up with hundreds of reasons to use social media. I am not going to ask anyone to quit social media. I am not going to ask anyone to rethink their online activities. But we must all think about the benefits and harms of things that we are consuming and I don’t see any benefit of social media for me on a personal level. It is just hindering my growth and eating up my creative space. I declare that I am getting off all social media permanently and never coming back again. 

I want to celebrate my success in private. I want to fight my struggles in private. I don’t want to rent my brain space to your ideas, thoughts, and photos. To everyone who has ever been my friend on Facebook and Instagram, I want to tell you that I don’t care about you and I am not your friend. I will always want all of you to do great things in life but I don’t want to share my life with you anymore. I am cutting all of you off. When you get off social media, you actually realize that nobody misses you. When I was off the grid for 9 months, no one called me and asked- "hey, buddy why are you not on social media?". I have a few friends and close relatives who will always find a way to be a part of my life even though I am not on social media. 

Nobody has the fucking guts to share their failures on social media. Nobody has the guts to publicly declare about a breakup but everyone celebrates their relationships on social media like they are the happiest couple on the planet. It's frightening that we have to share every success of ours on social media. Why are we pretending that we have perfect lives? Why are we pretending to be happy? Why are we pretending to have fun? Why do we want to look rich and beautiful on social media? Why do we want to shove our achievements down the throats of other people?  

Social media is an illusion. It is a dopamine factory that is supplying loads of it to our brains with constant likes, comments, and updates. The world is getting disconnected every day. We have been disconnected from ourselves. I became someone I was not on social media. I did things that were against my belief system. I killed my original self to share my life with strangers. Fuck that. 

I will stay in touch with a few people who care about me. I will send them pictures of my adventures in private because they are the ones who actually care. I will do my thing and chase my dreams and not expect any validation from anyone. I want to be present at the moment. I want to take photos for memory and not share them on social media. I want to live a private life. I don’t need to wish my wife happy birthday on Facebook to prove that I love her. I don’t need to show off my house, wife, car, or clothes to you to enjoy the fruits of success. I have shared too much already. You are not going to find me easily from now on. I will be hard to reach. I won't be there to like your pictures or comment congratulations on your success. If I care about you, I might call you and congratulate you.

I know I can gain thousands of followers on social media. I know I can be a social media star. I know how to gain attention and I know I will be big in the future. The thing is I don't need anyone else's validation to be happy anymore. I can't sacrifice my peace for likes and followers. I don't care if anyone appreciates my work and life. I need to appreciate it. I need to be satisfied with myself. Your opinion just doesn't matter.

  I have realized the magnitude of the social media illusion. I have experienced every harmful effect of social media. I have fucked up my mental health trying to fit in. I don’t care if I become the odd one out if I am not on social media. I need focus and discipline and mental clarity to be what I want to be. I will achieve it and celebrate with my closest people in private. If I fail, I will at least fail in private. 

When my biographer researches my life, I don’t want him to think that I was stupid. My social media activity doesn’t resonate with the type of person I want to be. Imagine if Einstein was on Facebook all the time posting photos of his adventures and liking stupid pics of stupid people. It is extremely implausible. 

I am escaping this whirlpool. If I can stay away from it for 9 months, I can stay away from it forever. I don’t care if you come out. Everyone must experience it first hand to realize that you are wasting your life with likes and followers. Social media is not the only enemy, mind it. I still have to fight youtube and internet addiction in general, but one addiction at a time. Our devices are empowering us and limiting us simultaneously. Most people don’t realize the harms and are rationalizing their rampant consumption. I worry for them. I weep for humanity. I am saving myself. Save yourself before it's too late…..

Goodbye Love !

 

Where do I start love? It has been an amazing ride.I feel like I have spent an entire lifetime with you.These years have passed in a jiffy.The journey matters much more than the destination.We didn't reach our destination but I assure you this short journey of ours was the best journey of our lives.
I was a kid when I met you.you turned me into a man.I was a man who had given up on love. People before you hurt me baby, they broke me down, they laughed at my gullibility, they scarred my heart.My ability to love had been severely impoverished.then I met you.I realized that even a broken man can love again.I realized that a real woman can heal a severed heart.I realized that moments can compensate for past trauma.you healed me.I was reborn under your wings.you have such a pure and honest soul.I really haven't met anyone who is so damn pure and authentic.your ability to give is your superpower.you have given me so much. You repaired my soul. You became my soul.
The type of love that you showered over me is one for the movies,for the ballads,a dream come true for a hopeless romantic like me. You fulfilled my wish to be loved.I experienced the feeling of being loved with everything that someone has to offer because of you.I didn't deserve it.I wasn't the easiest person to love.I wasn't living up to your expectations.yet, you kept on giving. You were an angel, an incarnation of god.Even god finds me unlovable at times but you loved me even when I was the greatest asshole on this planet."Unconditional" is the word."Infinite" is the word.your love for me is the highest form of dedication that I have seen in my entire life.you put me on a pedestal.you worshipped me.Noone will ever love me like you did because its just not possible to give yourself completely to another person.it was your superpower.Sadly, there is only one you.Your love cannot be replicated in any form.
I am a flawed human being.I should have been a better lover, a better human being.I should have treated you well.You deserved so much better than me.I was lost in a world of dopamine hits.I was addicted.My addiction pushed you away from me.I could never have the guts to push you away.however, an addicted brain is the highest form of evil that exists.Your love changed everything in me except the hardwired neural networks of my addictions. We live in a world full of poison.I was poisoned by society.You loved me like a pet but I turned my back on you like a predator.I became a monster.I couldn't tame my monster.I want you to know that I tried really hard.I want you to know that I struggled a lot.I want you to know that I tried to change every single day, just for you.I tried.I didn't give up.I was forced to forfeit. I would never give up on you.
I have been with many women.Noone even comes close to you.its a no contest.you are the best woman that I will ever meet.I have been lured plenty of times by pretty faces,"gotta-have-those" boobs, intelligent minds and thick thighs.But no one has ever lured me with love except you.You were the one.
my heart weeps remembering how we desperately tried to hold on to each other.While most would have just quit, we held on.We lost the fight but we fought a valiant battle.We were together in this.We knew we were going to lose but we held on until the universe itself had to intervene.
Memories are going to be tough from now on.And we have infinite storage of it.I wish I could remember the intricate details of every moment spent with you.I would spend half of my life replaying them in my head.The smile, the hugs, the cuddles, the sex, the fights, the first night together, the first date, the letters, the gifts, the conversations, the hopeful plans of the future, the  anger, the tears,the food, the smell of your hair, the habits, the places, the things, the people, the times......I have everything in my head and I will keep it there until the day I die.
I don't know what the future holds for us.I don't know how I will feel the next time I see you ! I may be in love with someone else.I may have already fallen out of love with you by then.You will also be with someone else.you will marry someone else, be happy with him, share your tears with him, have kids with him and build a family with him.He will love you. He will care for you and protect you. He will hold your hands when you are giving birth to your child.He will hug you and cry with you when your loved ones die.He will cook for you.He will make you feel special. He will repair things that I have broken.he will proudly say that you are his.he will see you grow old.he will see you lose your skin vitality.He will take care of you when you are sick.He will travel with you.He will take you to your favourite places. He will love you everyday.he will smell you everyday.He will sleep with you and wake up in your arms everyday. I wish.....I wish I was him.
The agony of this realization that it won't be me will always eat me up inside.it should have been me. It could have been me.but its someone else.you are not mine anymore.you are someone else`s.maybe you always were love.that's why the universe took you away from me.
I wish you all the best for your future.you might be broken right now but the universe will heal you in a spectacular fashion. You will find the love and happiness you deserve.you will forget me faster than you think.maybe you will forget me completely.maybe you will hate me for the rest of your life.you have every reason to hate me but I don't even deserve to be in your memories.I wish you forget me like a bad dream.
I am not a bad person.I loved you with genuine intent and commitment.I have no complaints.I will always be thankful for the type of love and commitment that you  have shown.
I can't even cry anymore.Acceptance of defeat liberates you from its clutches.I am a non living thing writing words from distant memories of life that you gave me.I will never achieve closure with you.I always have something more to say to you.I won't be able to do so anymore. This is the finale. There is no going back.The linear progression of time is a curse.
take care of yourself love. Heal yourself. Prepare yourself for life.live your dreams.make your parents proud.Fall in love again.Find joy in life again.I am leaving you.I am taking all your pain and suffering away from you.I am liberating you.Fly away little bird.I will be rooting for you from the grasslands.I wish you good health and happiness.If we meet someday, I want to talk about our times with fond ecstasy.I will miss you each and every day of my life.You are a neural network that cannot be unwired from my brain.You will always be here with me.I may not see you ever again but I will always play your image in my head every night before I go to sleep.
If given the chance, I would do this again with you. It was worth it at the end love.you were worth the pain.if we meet in our next life, I want us to last.I want us to build a life together.I want us to fix what we couldn't in this life. Promise me !

When you will go away from me, I will lose a big chunk of me but a part of you will always be with me.I love you !